How to Win Friends and Influence People

Dale Carnegie · 1936

1. 01About the Author

   Dale Carnegie was born in 1888 on a farm in Missouri, USA. He grew up poor, worked as a salesman, and later began teaching public speaking classes in New York in 1912. His courses became famous, and in 1936 he published How to Win Friends and Influence People, one of the first best-selling self-help books ever. He died in 1955, but his courses still run around the world.

2. 02Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

   Carnegie's first principle: do not criticize, condemn or complain. Criticism makes people defensive and wounds their pride. Second: give honest and sincere appreciation, not flattery. Third: arouse in the other person an eager want. Talk about what they want, and show them how to get it. As Carnegie puts it, when fishing, you bait the hook with what the fish likes, not with what you like.

3. 03Six Ways to Make People Like You

   Become genuinely interested in other people. Smile. Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest sound in any language. Be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves. Talk in terms of the other person's interests. And make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely. Carnegie notes that you can make more friends in two months by being interested in others than in two years by trying to get others interested in you.

4. 04Winning People to Your Way of Thinking

   The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. Show respect for the other person's opinions; never say, you are wrong. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. Begin in a friendly way, and get the other person saying yes early. Let them feel the idea is theirs. Try honestly to see things from their point of view.

5. 05Be a Leader

   To change people without resentment, begin with praise and honest appreciation. Call attention to mistakes indirectly, and talk about your own mistakes first. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Let the other person save face. Praise every improvement. Give people a fine reputation to live up to. Kindness is not weakness; it is the strongest way to lead. Start today by remembering one name and giving one sincere compliment.